Throughout my life, I've noticed this recurring archetype show her head (as well as teeth and claws alike) over and over again: the threatened alpha female. Like many women have experienced, this alpha female type is not to be reckoned with--unless you are okay with succumbing to her want for power over you and rolling over on your back like a passive (and sometimes really cute) puppy. For years, instead of rolling over in passivity, I tried to keep my personal power and get her approval at the same time. Funny, right?
After 34 years, this archetype of the threatened alpha female and I reached our pinnacle. In a nutshell, I was told I can no longer do what I love doing (serving those in a certain hospice) because of this woman and our relationship dynamics. She was threatened because I was singing my song, shining my light, and I fell into the trap of trying to get her to see a light she didn't want to see, rather a light she tried repeatedly to dim. As heartbroken as I have been over this, I am also grateful because now I can free myself from these chains she had on me and see this situation I've faced over and over again in life more clearly.
We get so used to operating in an unconscious habitual way that has been passed down through generations of women -- operating out of lack and scarcity rather than abundance, where there is enough (jobs, relationships, love) for everyone and my power doesn’t threaten your power. Being human, we are going to have murky feelings triggered by certain people in our life. However, we have a choice in how to act on those feelings. We can either “feed the beast” and allow the animal instinct (reptilian brain) sides of ourselves to rule our actions, tear each other down and strive to have worldly power over one another; or we can wake up from this old pattern and choose act out of our higher, more evolved self.
A quote struck me recently while reading "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes: " The vision a woman has for her own life can also be decimated in the flames of someone's jealousy or someone's plain-out destructiveness toward her. Family, mentors, teachers, and friends are not supposed to be destructive if and when they feel envy, but some decidedly are, in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways. No woman can afford to let her creative life hang by a thread while she serves an antagonistic love relationship, parent, teacher, or friend."
I see how destructive it is (mainly to myself) to try and win the approval and play on the playground of life with this threatened alpha woman who is not willing to open her heart and take the higher road-- it’s simply a drain of energy and creative fire. Sure, I will likely run across her again, but I will no longer play in her sandbox. If she is open and willing to try a new and more evolved way to play, I will be happy to show her to the swing set where we can swing, play, and fly together.
Releasing myself from these chains she has had on me, I will spend my time and energy on the side of the playground where my friends, business transactions, interactions, and loved ones play fair. Where we all have space to shine, where we help each other to evolve and be our best self, and where there is an environment that allows for everyone to fly their own flight and sing their own song. After all, we really are stronger together.